Rick Perry to Allow Oil Wells Everywhere

Rick Perry, Trump’s nominee to lead the Department of Energy stated today that the US needs more oil wells.

“I want every American family to have their own personal oil well, right in their backyard. It will reduce the cost of gasoline to virtually nothing, and the economy will take off like a rocket ship.”

Perry plans to issue a federal drilling permit to any American who wants one, complete with do-it-yourself instructions.

“Any American using these instructions together with tools and parts that can be purchased at a Home Depot, can drill and pump oil and natural gas for themselves. It’s my Energy for Everyone Program.”

Donald Trump commented: “This is going to be huge. Imagine what those towel-heads in the Middle East are going to do when we stop buying their oil. They’ll have to start making rugs again.”

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