Betsy DeVos Eaten Alive by Grizzly Bear

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was savagely attacked and eaten alive while visiting a school in Fairbanks, Alaska yesterday. Recall that DeVos had ironically warned the Senate during her confirmation hearing last month that school officials should be armed with guns in case of such an attack. 

“She warned us and the pinko, liberal Democrats mocked her, but damn, she was absolutely right,” said Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader. “This is a tragedy for America and all children attending private schools.” 

In memory of Mrs. DeVos, flags at all public schools in America will be flown at half staff for 5 minutes next Monday. 

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